So the last week or so has been a bit insane for me. Last week was spring break in Pasco county and for lifeguards that means pure insanity on the pool deck for the entire week. Like I said in a previous post, thank goodness my recovery week was last week because I needed it after the crazy days that I had. So glad that's over.
This week has been really good and I feel like I'm going to be well and ready for my first triathlon this year. I had a slight change of plans regarding my first race. Due to insufficient funds, I need to keep all of my races close to home and cheap so that mean no Madeira Beach for me this year. I will instead do the race at Honeymoon Island in Dunedin. I'm excited and as soon as I get paid this week I will be signing up for that and the 5K that I am going to run on the 24th. It's been a while since I've done a 5K race and need to get a feel for where I am at time wise. All good things coming up for my races and I'm very excited.
Although my work outs have been great this week, personal issues have been messing with my sleep and my mood. I told myself a long time ago that I would never let my ex back into my life. After not speaking to him for 7 or 8 months I had finally healed from the pain he had caused me. Of course, being a woman, we always hope that when a man says he has made changes he is sincere about it. Excuse me one moment....HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...ok, got that out of my system. That is a joke, don't ever believe a man when he tells you this. Unfortunately for me, I believed him and it got me right back to square one. He is no longer in my life (again) and I am having to go through the emotions that I did this time last year. The one thing I have realized is that this is a horrible cycle that I have gotten myself into and now need to get myself out of. I'm not going to lie, this is so hard for me, especially given the history the boy and I have. We have been through a lot together, but that doesn't mean I have to sacrifice my happiness because of some fantasy of us being meant for each other we had. I cannot continue to put myself in this position and get hurt and get stuck in this cycle. I need to move on and it's hard and it hurts sometimes and it even keeps me awake at night thinking about him. I just cannot accept or tolerate him taking me for granted and not treating me the way a man who says he loves you should. The man that loves me will walk over hot coals to be with me, I don't think that the good ol' ex would do that.
In the words of Jo Dee Messina...my give a damns busted!
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